No wonder I am in such a foul mood!

Dear neighborhood cats,

Please refrain from having sex outside my bedroom window at 7:30 on a Saturday morning. I do not want to deprive anyone the opportunity to get their groove on, but when you cats have sex, it sounds like a stabbing is occurring, or that a child is in pain. Now girl cat, I know you are making noise because your partner has spikes around his erect penis (I have never understood why this feature exists, or why anyone would voluntary take that into their body), and that must hurt, but I do not enjoy being awakened by howling, screeching, moaning, crying, and yelping on my only day to sleep in, unless of course I am the one making the noises. :-p :-o

I am sorry that your interlude was cut brief when my husband walked up on you all. Girl cat, I am especially sorry for you, because you screeched a screech that would wake the dead when your partner jumped off you and ran the other direction. Maybe you all can hook up another time, just not outside my house!

Sincerely,

Your pissy, bitching neighbor